Maybe we could just have cake?

I like cake. My sister would tell you imperiously that I like cake a bit too much but what does she know. I’m Episcopalian, cake is essentially part of my identity.

However, there is a section of the internet, a glorious, soul-affirming section of the internet, which views cake slightly differently.

The Asexual community is famously invisible. Or not famously…you know what I mean. They occupy that wonderful spot outside of Kinsey’s spectrum of sexuality, the X designation. Which is cool, kinda like a superhero almost. But ace’s tend to be a bit misunderstood and a bit swept under the carpet.

Two Kinds of Love

One of the things that astounds me the most is that the majority of people don’t consider that romantic love and sexual attraction are two different things. This was never mentioned to me as a child or even as a teenager. As far as I knew you fell in love with someone and, somewhere along the line, squishy stuff happened. I dunno. My point is that it was expected. You may feel sexual attraction before romantic attraction but the two go hand in hand.

But I come from the Tindr, hook-up generation and I quite quickly realised that sexual attraction has almost nothing to do with romantic attraction. Lust drives people to do insane things, even with people they can’t actually stand.

So it follows logically that romantic love is entirely separate from sexual attraction.

A Spectrum

If there are two kinds of attraction there must be, as Kinsey correctly identified, outliers on both spectrums. Those who don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction: Asexual and Aromantic.

Asexuals are those who don’t feel sexual attraction to other people.

Aromantics are those who don’t feel romantic attraction to other people.

The two are not synonymous and it is possible to be one without the other or to be both.

And, as with everything in this area of the human mystique, this follows a spectrum. There are those who only occasionally feel attraction (of either sort) and they have a whole range of prefixes depending on their personal identity: Gray, demi, bi, homo.

The latter two are examples of how sexuality also comes into play here. You can have biromantics asexuals, who fall in love with a variety of genders but experience no sexual attraction to them, or pansexual aromantics to whom gender doesn’t feature in their sexual attraction, but don’t experience romantic attraction to anyone.

It’s A Spectrum.

(that was a pun)

But Back to Cake

Remember that soul-affirming part of the internet I mentioned? Asexuals have a whole range of networks and forums (AVEN, demisexuality.org, etc.) with which to communicate. There are even asexual dating apps for your smartphone. They have their own pride flags, asexuals have specific jewellery for identifying each other in public and their own memes.

(Asexual and Aromantic Flags)

And this is where the cake comes in. (I said I’d get back to it) Because for an estimated a 1% of the UK cake is better than sex. Biscuits are better than sex. Even the really stale jaffa cakes you find at the bottom of the church tin that you could use to knock in nails…are better than sex.

You get my point.

 

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